Day -1 Assess

I am a 31 year old woman. I am married and we are both employed in an unemployable market. We have no kids and no real debt. From the outside looking in, all is well. From the inside looking out, I'm going crazy in my own skin. I need something to change and I need it to change now.

Enter Google. (imagine harps playing in that clouds parting sort of way)

I found a life improvement challenge; 100 days to change me. Thus a blog is born. This is about nothing and still about everything. I want to journal and track my 100 day journey and marvel at all the progress I've made on day 101.

Before you begin, they say you should take stock of where you are now. Have a life plan, know where you are so you can see where you are going, that kind of thing. Having a life plan, an entire plan of where you want your life to be from now until the end of your three score and ten is so much harder than you think it is… unless you think its really hard in which case you'd be right. I sat down with pen and paper in hand trying to answer the basic guide questions:

1. What is my life like now in detail?
2. What do I want to accomplish?
3. What kind of person do I want to be?
4. Why do I want what I want?
5. How do I want to be remembered?

Those are bloody hard questions. I found myself skipping lines after I wrote each one down so I could go back and fill it in later. At the end I had a few scribbles and a lot of blank paper. This was my first issue. I don't know what I want to do, where I want to be, or what I want from this life. I am living each day in technical terms only. I wake up, go about the day with minimal effort and results to get by and then go to bed so the next day can come.

There is no motivation, no ambition, no satisfaction. Logically, change requires:

motivation + ambition = satisfaction

It seems so obvious and perfect. I picture that equation written in gold surrounded by flashing vanity lights. This probably means I'm missing something or I am completely wrong.

(motivation + ambition) x maximum effort = satisfaction

That's better. Let's call it my all or nothing theorem. Innovative, I know.

I'd hate to say today is Day 1 because I feel like I haven't done a single thing on their exhaustive "to do" list but I have identified Issue 1. In law it's IRAC; issues, rules, application and conclusion. "Identification and separation of the issues, description of the governing rules, application of the rules to the facts and the answer and caveat if required."  I'm certain that could be helpful… somehow.

Today is Day -1. I can do this, bit by bit, but it's hard to dive in whole heartedly when you can't swim. Tomorrow's goal is a life plan and a real one, not 'be successful' or 'be a kind and patient person'. Generic goods don't stand out. Lady Gaga is a hit but weren't we all "born this way"?

Let's aim high, (last one I promise). To infinity and beyond! ;)